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Shifting Gears

10/18/2021

 
Picture
I sometimes think I lack sticktoitiveness (a real word I made up). I started university studying chemistry, going so far as to get a degree and a publication in the Canadian Journal of Chemistry before switching to Social and Political Thought.  Instead of doing aPh.D. (I had a four year scholarship), I ran for political office. After twelve years in the public service, I worked in arts for eleven years -- six as a writer/actor and five as an arts in education administrator. Then, I moved to the Senate to work as a policy advisor to a Senator for 15 years. Half way through that I bought a publishing company and ran it for eight years. Now I'm retired from everything but writing.

My writing career has shown the same tendency to shift and shimmy like a jalopy with transmission problems. My first serious writing was for the stage, starting in Yellowknife with Hemingway Crosses the Mackenzie. After moving to Calgary, I had a number of plays produced in local theatres and on CBC radio. I won a few contests and almost made the big time before switching to writing science fiction in the mid-90s. I stuck with that for the next twenty years (and am still writing 3-5 short stories a year but once again my interests have started to change.

This year I published the first two novels in the Max Anderson mysteries, set in Paris between the Wars. The first is called In the Shadow of Versailles and is, for the month of October on sale as an ebook. It is also available in print. The second, By Dawn's Early Light is only available in digital form though a print book is coming soon. I'm about a third of the way through the third book, working title: The Glare of Truth.
But wait, there's more. I've started making notes for a mystery set in Rome in the time of Sulla the Dictator (roughly 100-80 BC). No title yet, or even an outline, but it's percolating away in my hindbrain. I plan to have the first one (it's a series) sometime in 2022.
​
Now, if I can just resist the lure of poetry (for the art) or screenwriting (for the money), I should be fine.

A New Year: Reports and Resolutions

1/1/2014

 
Well, another year has slipped by and this poor old blog has been neglected once again. True I have been busy with the Bundoran Press Blog, not to mention Bundoran Press itself.  But that's my other life.

Writing has taken a bit of a backseat, too, though I did finish another Paris mystery novel -- By Dawn's Early Light -- in April and continue to hope to sell the first in the series in the coming year. More about that later.

I had three short stories appear in 2013 -- one co-written with my wife, Elizabeth Westbrook. You can find those listed elsewhere on the web-site. Our only other collaboration, a humorous piece that has been rendered obsolete by history, is available as a free download.

I won the Aurora Award for editing "Blood and Water," and was lucky enough to present Robert J. Sawyer with his Lifetime Achievement Award at the same ceremony. I attend 5 SF conventions -- next year probably only 4.

In addition to the vast number of submissions I read for Bundoran Press, I averaged a book every two weeks for a total of 26. My top five:
Neil Gaiman: The Ocean at the End of the Lane
Nickolas Butler: Shotgun Lovesongs
Willow Wilson: Alif the Unseen
Rex Stout: The Red Box
Robert J. Sawyer: Red Planet Blues

My favorite movies seen this year: Gravity; The World's End; Quartet; Silver Linings Playbook and Crazy Stupid Love (though The Hobbit, Star Trek into Darkness and Lincoln deserve mention)

I exercised less, drank too much, gained weight but generally became a better person -- one out of four ain't bad.

So, what about resolutions>

First, I will blog here once a month at a minimum. Hopefully I'll have something to say.
Second, I will carve out 5 hours every week for my own writing. My priorities: re-writes of By Dawn's Early Light, 6 new short stories and a good start on the 3rd Paris mystery.
Third, I will find a publisher and/or agent for In the Shadow of Verseilles.
Fourth, I will exercise more, drink less, lose weight and become an even better person.
Fifth, I will do something utterly surprising.

Check in at the end of the month to see how I'm doing.

My Schedule at WorldCon

8/23/2012

 
Fri Aug 31 1:30:pm -- 3:00:pm

Transhumanism: Where Do We- as Homo Sapiens Go From Here?

Crystal C

Western society is rapidly moving toward a time when many dreams of the transhumanism movement, such as advanced genetic engineering, prosthetics, organ/neuro-implants, and age retardation/reversal will become reality. The question is how society - including speculative fiction writers - will respond to this evolutionary change in human beings.

Brad Aiken Edward R. Rosick Hayden Trenholm James L. Cambias Jonathan Stars

Fri Aug 31 6:00:pm -- 7:30:pm

Ethics of the Near Future

Crystal C

Ethics is now being expanded to cover social responsibility (earlier CSR) and governance. Besides it is becoming more global, helped by modern communications. What will be the end result, and how will that affect politics and literature?

Hayden Trenholm Jonathan Stars Lisa C Freitag Tad Daley Tore Audun Hoie

Sat Sep 1 12:00:pm -- 1:30:pm

Climate Change and Society

Crystal B

Discussion of anticipated impacts of climate change: impacts to human health, lifestyles, national security, disaster preparedness, and critical sectors such as energy and food production. Will the changes impact all segments of society equally?

Ben Bova Doug Fratz Hayden Trenholm Jeffrey Liss Ramez Naam

Sun Sep 2 3:00:pm -- 4:30:pm

What Energy Sources Are Sustainable?

Crystal A

Scientific experts discuss the options for future energy, and the pluses and minuses of each.

Corry L. Lee Doug Fratz Hayden Trenholm Howard Davidson Ramez Naam

Writing Groups

2/20/2012

 
At some point in every writing career, almost everyone either joins or considers joining a writing group.  Depending on how you define them, I’ve belonged to at least two (more if you count the extended writing courses and workshops).  I was active in the Imaginative Fiction Writers Association (IFWA) of Calgary from 1992 until my move to Ottawa in 2002 and I still remain an honorary member.  For the last five years I’ve been part of the East Block Irregulars (EBI) here in the nation’s capital.

Clearly, I’m a fan, but only up to a point.  Not every writing group suits every writer; some suit none.  Nor does a group that works at a certain point of your career, work forever.  In this, as in much else, there is nothing constant save change.

Everyone has to make up their own mind about the value of writing groups but one useful guideline you might use: if you feel better about your writing when you leave a group’s meeting that when you went in – you’re in the wrong group.  A writing group isn’t there to make you feel good; it’s there to make you a better writer.

Don’t get me wrong.  Participating in a writing group shouldn’t be as painful as going to the dentist and you shouldn’t hang around with people you can’t stand or who abuse you on the off-chance you’ll get a few clues on being a better scribe.  So while writing groups are not mutual admiration societies, drinking clubs or places to get dates (though they are occasionally all of those thing – I met my wife in a writing group), they can still be a pleasant social break from the usually solitary life of pounding the keyboard.

To me, a good writing group will help you be a better writer; a great group will make you a more frequent writer, and, yes, a happier writer.

In a nutshell that’s what belonging to a writing group should do for you.

First, it should help you improve your writing.  There are several ways this can happen.  The most common is through the critiquing process – whereby you read each other’s work and offer suggestions as to how to make it better.  Because critiquing is so important, I’m going to devote an entire blog to it in the next few days.  But a few points before I leave the topic:

Critiquing is not about you, it is about the work.  That means more than simply not taking comments too personally; it also means that you aren’t trying to impose your vision on someone else’s story and you don’t let them distract you from the story you want to tell.  You, in the end, want to write the best story YOU want to tell (and vice versa).

Criticism has to be useful which means it has to point out strengths as well as weaknesses in story telling and it has to be aimed at the person who is receiving the critique.  If someone is having trouble with the mechanics of writing, a critique focusing on the use or allegory is not likely to be much use.

There are other ways that a writing group can help you improve your writing.  Writing exercises can help you focus on particular elements of the writing process.  Along the same lines, group members may be able to direct you to useful resources, books or web-sites on writing or even good examples of fiction similar to what you want to write.  I’ve actually heard (beginner) writers say: Oh, I never read science fiction (or mystery or whatever) because it might contaminate my writing.  What nonsense!  Writing is a conversation with other writers.  If you don’t listen, you don’t learn.  What’s more if you don’t know what has been done in the field, the chances of you doing something fresh are virtually zero.

Some writing groups arrange tours (labs for SF writers; singles’ bars for romance, etc) or bring in guest speakers.  Write what you know sometimes means (though not always) write what you can find out.

A second thing that a writing group can do for you is to help you write more.  While I don’t quite ascribe to the need to write one million words of crap, there is no question that the more you write, the better you will get at it.  Although, there are exceptions to every rule.  Certainly if you wind up getting so involved in writing group activities that you are actually writing less, you need to step back and reconsider.

There are several ways a group can increase your productivity.  Most groups require you to submit work for critiquing on a regular basis.  IFWA used to require at least two stories a year to remain an active member (though exceptions were made for professional editors).  EBI requires you to have at least one paid publication credit before we’ll even consider you (and even then we keep the group small and require a fairly lengthy review process for admission).  Anyone who isn’t actively writing on a regular basis feels our approbation – though we’ve never had to throw anyone out.  Yet.

Challenges are another good way to keep the words coming.  At many groups, there are open challenges to write stories on specific themes for readings (IFWA has been doing that for years for the local SF convention) or for as many members as possible to submit to the same anthology, for example, this one. 

About 15 or 16 years ago (long before NaNoWriMo) IFWA invented write-off weekends, a short form writers retreat.  Groups of writers – as many as 20 or 25 – all gather in the same place to write together.  It’s not collective creation but it is creating collectively.  Usually we shared meals and had a reading from what we produced.  The concept spread – I’ve attended several gatherings at Robert J. Sawyer’s place and at EBI we’ve gone one step farther.  If it works for a weekend, why not a lunch hour?  You can often see 2 to 5 members of EBI gathered at a local mall (we all work downtown) bent over our laptops or journals producing as much as we can over fast food.  My personal record is 780 words fuelled by General Tao chicken.  Competitive?  You bet.  Useful?  No question.

But how does a writing group make you a happier writer?  Writing is a solitary pursuit but it doesn’t have to be a lonely one.  A good group can offer support when you’re feeling down about your work or when you’ve had one too many rejection and they can help celebrate your victories.  Most of all they can give you a place where being a writer isn’t ‘odd’ or ‘special’ but a normal part of everyday life.  And, if you’re lucky, you may find some people who can be friends for life.  I know I have.

The big problem for many people is finding the right group or, sometimes finding a group at all.  Most cities have one or more writing groups active at any given time.  You can often find info about them at libraries, community centres or on-line.  Some groups like IFWA are open to new members; others, like EBI, are semi-private or even closed.  Starting your own group is another possibility.  Attending a workshop (IFWA started that way) to find like minded writers is one way; social media (EBI began on FaceBook) is another.

The key thing is to find the right group and not be afraid to move on if it doesn’t or stops working for you.  A few rules of thumb might help.

The group should have writers with a range of experience – but the range shouldn’t be excessive.  You should feel you have something useful to say about writing to every person in the group.  At the same time you shouldn’t feel intimidated or think you have to do what the most experienced writer thinks.

The main focus of the group should be on writing, writing technique, getting more writing done, and, of course, writing.  The social component or discussions of the business of writing should be there but shouldn’t eat up more than a quarter or, at most, a third of your time together.  Less is probably more.

The group should meet regularly for critiquing – IFWA meets once a month, EBI, between once every two weeks and once every two months, depending on how many stories are being produced (we’re a much smaller group). But it shouldn’t meet so often that it gets in the way of writing.  If you meet more often it should be for collective writing sessions.

Size matters – EBI has 8 members (though one is currently in China for a year) and we find that about exactly right.  IFWA is much larger (at one point it had 40 members) but encourages smaller groups to form for critiquing based on genre or experience-level.  Too large a group can lose focus of members let it.

Finally as you get experiences, your needs will change.  You may begin by needing help with story structure or writing mechanics but eventually begin exploring allegory and meta-fiction, if you really must.  Hopefully, your group will grow with you.  If not, find a new one that serves your needs.  Your group may go but the friends you make will be with you forever.

I'mmmmmm back!

1/15/2012

 
Forgive me followers for I have not opined; it’s been  over a year since my last blog session.  Thank you, thanks very much – I’m in town until next Tuesday.  Try the jumbo shrimp.

The hardest thing about (re-)starting a blog is coming  up with a timely topic.  There have been no shortage of political developments since November 2010 and I’ve even had a few new writing adventures.  E-books appear to have turned the corner and become the last big thing.  Heck, I even have a second grandson to brag about, not to mention countless exciting trips here, there and
everywhere.

I guess I’ll have to make this a regular thing – along with Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook.  As Leslie Winkle might say – ‘call me.’

Maybe the best place to start is to say why I stopped and why I’m back. Unlike smoking or collecting Christmas music, quitting a blog is remarkably easy.  It requires a conscious decision to blog, you have to go someplace special to do it, and there is some effort involved – blood, sweat and tears even if only occasionally in the literal sense.  Yes, blogging is like going to the gym – you know you should and you feel good after but it doesn’t take much to keep you away.

So it wasn’t you dear followers – if any of you are still there – it was me.  When I started to blog, I could find nothing to say.  And when I was full of outrage, insight and wit, I was often away from a keyboard (or too full of wine to properly use one).

So what has changed?

New year – new attitude. Don’t get me wrong, this is not the result of a resolution.  As a friend of mine used to say: Goals are for hockey players.  

However, 2011 had its share of trials and tribulations.  It also had a number of real breakthroughs, professionally on several fronts and personally as well.  I’ve decided that 2012 is a good time to translate all my dreams into reality. With the Mayan apocalypse pending (which I refuse to dignify with a hyperlink), I’m running out of time.

My own personal apocalypse may be a little farther off but, believe it or not, I expect to retire in six or seven years.  Though I won’t be plunging into the abyss any time soon, I should soon be able to see it on the horizon.  Neat – no more dentists; no more back pain.  Given my somewhat dissolute life –graduate school, 12 years in the arts during my (supposedly) most financially productive years and a general failure to settle down – retirement will be more pewter-coloured than golden.  Que sera, sera.

So, my goals this year are simple.  Increase my income now so I can ensure my security (yes, I still do believe in that word despite how twisted it has become since the ‘spooks’ got a hold of it) for the future. And find a way to transition successfully from part-time writer and full-time policy wonk to full-time author and part-time grumpy old man.

My revenue plans are my own affair but as to the rest:

I’ve got a new mystery novel I’m in the process of having critiqued so I can begin marketing this spring.  And I’ve started work on the sequel.  Set in Paris.  Which justifies going there.  Again.

I’ve an old SF novel I am furiously re-writing to have ready at the same time.

I’m editing a collection of short stories for Bundoran Press– both for the fun of it and to put another arrow in my quiver.

I’m beginning the process of finding an agent – not easy but I’m getting good advice.

And I’m going to 5 conventions this year to help me market myself and my projects.

And I’m Facebooking, Linking, Tweeting, and yes, blogging!  Watch for me here or over at http://eastblockirregulars.wordpress.com/with other members of my writing group. I may not manage once a week – but I’m aiming for more than once a month.

The (un)importance of reviews

9/14/2010

 
Writers love reviews.  We particularly like glowing reviews from people we don’t know but we’re pretty happy with positive reviews by friends, acquaintances and colleagues.  And, as perverse as it may seem, we even like bad reviews (at least some one is noticing us!) though we don’t tend to link to them on Facebook or post them on our web-sites.

I was inspired to think about reviews because of a particularly tepid one of my most recent short story.  My first response was how can he call me a beginner!?!  Doesn’t he know who I am?!?  Probably not.  The telling statement in the review comes early; the story “didn’t quite connect for me.”  And that is the essence of all reviews – in my opinion this is a great/good/average/mediocre/horrible story.  And generally any given story or novel may get reviews that cover the whole range.  Certainly that has been my experience.

But other than the ego boost or deflation, do reviews matter?  Getting a review certainly seem to make a difference.  One study of reviews in the New York Times shows that, within the limits of a difficult methodology, good reviews seem to make a significant difference – causing a 63% spike in sales in the week after the review.  Bad reviews make a difference too – they lead to a 34% increase in sales.  Just getting a review in the NY Times is good for book sales.  Positive is better but negative doesn’t hurt.  The evidence from other analysis suggests that any review in a widely circulated and/or highly respected forum has the same impact.  Think Kirkus or Publisher’s Weekly (though apparently not when it comes to being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize).

If you think about it, it makes sense.  There are huge numbers of books published every week and only a few get reviewed.  For book buyers, it may well be as this blogger puts it that we just don’t have memory space to remember bad reviews.  But when we read a good review from a respected source, we flag it as worth having.  My own reviewer of choice?  The Economist.  For the most part, the reviewers there clearly identify their own biases and the review clearly reflects them.  I compare my thinking to theirs and make my decision accordingly.  I’ve found a number of books that I really enjoyed as a result. 

For me, books fall into three categories – books I’ll buy no matter what (a new Tim Winton or Robert J. Sawyer), books I will never buy (Stephanie Myers is but one of a very long list) and books of which I have little or no opinion or information.  A review will at least tell me whether the book falls into my general likes (well-crafted plots with strong positive characters, historical mysteries, medium-hard SF) or dislikes (allegorical wanders in the literary woods, most horror, epic fantasy) and give me some indication of whether the book is any good. 

Since my default position is almost always not to buy a book, a really good review might occasionally make me take a chance while a bad review is not going to change the default.   Unless, of course, I really hate the views of that particular book reviewer.

But what about the other potential value of book or story reviews?  Are they any good as criticism?  Obviously, they aren’t going to change the book or story that got reviewed – someone already paid me and put it in print.  Nor in fact are they likely to change the way I write.  After more than 20 years of putting words together, I pretty much know what I want to say and how I want to say it. 

I will take advice from editors who want to buy my work (though I don’t do everything they ask) and I listen closely to writers and first readers whom I know and whose opinions I trust.  In that context, do the 50 to 500 words of comments from an anonymous reviewer impact my decisions about what and how I write?  Not bloody likely.

Writing Home and Away

8/15/2010

 
I’m currently reading through a novel I wrote a few years ago with a view to re-writing it.  The results are mixed.  Most of the central ideas and a lot of the writing is pretty good; other parts – the action scenes as it turns out – are overwritten and drag.  Some of the technology definitely needs an update – though not as much as I thought.  It will take a lot of work to get it up to snuff but probably less than writing an entire new novel.  And the story is still of interest to me, which isn’t always the case with older work.

The story involves a journey – from a place that was home but no longer can be to a place that really only exists as a hope for a better life.  Cyberpunk meets The Grapes of Wrath.  So some of the story takes place where I was living at the time (Calgary and southern Alberta) but a lot of it takes place in places I’ve only visited (Seattle, Idaho, New Mexico and Mexico).  And of course some places I’ve only been in my imagination. 

A lot of Canadian writing is deeply rooted in place.  Landscape is another character for writers like W.O. Mitchell and Margaret Laurence.  Where would Mordecai Richler be if he weren’t in Montreal?  Robert J. Sawyer confounded popular publishing wisdom by setting many of his novels in distinctly Canadian places.  Some writers write about where they live while they are living there; others, like Alice Munro, have to move elsewhere to return home in their fiction.  And, of course many of the great new Canadian writers, like Ondaatje and Mistry, are immigrants who write both home and away simultaneously.

My first two plays were set in the NWT, where I lived for nine years.  One was written while I was living there; the other shortly after I left.  Two of the next three were set in my hometown of Amherst, N.S.  It was only after I’d been living in Calgary for three years did I write something set in the city.  My first novel, published over 15 years ago, was set in places that I or my father had lived in.  My most recent books, The Steele Chronicles, are set in Calgary, but were mostly written while I was living in Ottawa.  Most of it was written from memory.

Does the adage, ‘write what you know,’ require a writer to get the details of place precisely right?  Or is there a truth that goes beyond the facts?  One deliberate mistruth I told throughout the Steele Chronicles was about a jazz bar, Kaos Cafe, where I worked for a year.  The bar first moved and then closed but in my novels it is right back where it was when I worked there.  Metaphorically and emotionally, I needed it to be there.  As I read through my old book, I come across scenes where I can say I definitely saw and heard those things; others where I know I made it up; some I can’t really tell.  Does that matter?  I don’t know – though as I get to the end chapters where the characters have to make new home in a place I’ve only visited – I may find out it does.  Getting that right may be my biggest challenge yet.

Can-Can at the Can-Con

8/13/2010

 
The Conference of Canadian Speculative Arts and Literature, better known as Can-Con 2010, will take place over the weekend of August 20th to 22nd.  I’m pleased to be a guest at the Con along with GOH, Marie Bilodeau, and several other Ottawa SF luminaries.  If you will be in the Ottawa area and have an interest in speculative fiction or writing of any kind or just feel in the mood for something fun and different, I encourage you to attend.  SF Cons are a great bargain for your entertainment dollar!

The Con opens at 5pm on Friday at the Travelodge Hotel on Carling.

My schedule:

Friday, 6pm, Time to Write: – how should a writer manage his/her time?  Yes, you want to write, but when? Writers talk about time management and tips to get going on the days you really don't feel like you can.

At 7pm, I’ll be attending the book launch of Marie’s new novel, Destiny’s Blood.

Friday, 9 pm, How to Prepare your Manuscript for the Market: -- This discusses the long (and sometimes arduous) process that a *completed* manuscript
must undergo before it is published and reaches the local bookstore.  From editing to sales pitches, from finding an Agent to release timing, this covers all
the tasks that authors usually are unaware of -- but are needed before a book reaches the bookstore's shelves.


Saturday, 11am Reading: I’ll be reading some of my short fiction.

Saturday, 5pm   Book Launch of my new Novel, Stealing Home

Sunday, 10 am Writers’Workshop with the inimitable Matthew Johnson.

And, of course, I’ll be around for all the other fun events that the Con has to offer.

Anyone who wants to attend my Book Launch but won’t be attending the rest of the Con ($40 at the door), you should let me know by Thursday so I can make arrangements for your admittance.

The Joy of Bookstores

7/18/2010

 
Anyone who has ever been to my house will not be surprised to know that I love books.  My personal library generally runs between one and two thousand volumes – and would be a lot bigger if it were not for my frequent moves and life changes.  However, unlike some book lovers I know, I also like bookstores – preferably ones that sell nothing but books.  Other than antiquarian book dealers and a few independents, that type of bookstore is pretty rare in North America.  While I understand the business pressures that require bookstores to stock candles and chocolates, games and DVDs, it actually diminishes my pleasure in shopping there.  Which is why I mostly shop at Chapters on-line.

Venturing into the anchor store of Blackwell Books in Oxford, England was, therefore, a real treat.  Other than a small coffee and tea shop for weary browsers, the entire 4 floors (over 150,000 books on seven miles of shelves) of this local landmark was devoted to books.  Blackwell is a chain in the UK (and also a publisher of educational texts) and I can’t attest to the quality of their other stores but I spent 90 happy minutes and (and over 100 pounds) wandering from shelf to shelf – without even getting to half their sections.  A combination of University and generalist bookstore, you can pretty much find anything that suits your fancy.  I bought a collection of short essays about France between the wars written by Joseph Roth, a biography of Paul Dirac, a novel by Australian Stephen Toltz, recommended to me by a lovely Aussie woman, named Mary, whom I had met in Tuscany and several others.  And when I checked out they actually apologized for making me wait while they served the one person in front of me.

A few days later, I dropped into another famous bookstore, this time Shakespeare and Company in Paris.  Though not the original store founded by Sylvia Beach in 1919, it has its own significant literary provenance which you can read about here.  The store was crammed to the gunnels with all sorts of literature, with large sections devoted to poetry and, of course, the ex-patriot community who hung out there in the 1920s.  The only non-book item in sight were book bags, being sold to fund libraries in third world countries.  Apparently there are sleeping quarters above the store for young writers to stay at.  They pay their rent by working a few hours at the store.  Any takers?

Getting Back on the Horse

6/1/2010

 
The hardest thing about writing, for me at least, is getting started.  I will spend hours, sometimes days, trying to get that first paragraph written.  The funny thing is – I almost always change it.  I guess it is pretty much true of any new thing in your life – whether it is as trivial as learning how to use a new phone or as important as beginning a new friendship – getting started is the hard part.  Mess up the beginning, you think, and you set the pattern for the whole future.

Not true really.  First impressions are seldom lasting ones and bad habits can always be amended.

But still, starting a new story is always tough.  A couple of weeks ago I finished my novel, Stealing Home.  It was not only the end of a novel; it was the final book in a trilogy.  I’ve got lots of ideas for more books and even had a deadline to finish a story for an anthology.  But it was a beautiful spring.  There were walks to be taken, gardens to plant, wine to drink. 

Plus, my last book was nominated for an Aurora Award.  Wait until that’s over, I thought, think how motivated you’ll be if you win.  Right.  And if you lose, no worries; all the other nominees are good friends.  And you’ve lost things before – more often than you’ve won.  Sure.

The weekend at KeyCon was great.  The nominees, calling themselves the Magnificent Basterds, held a joint party on Friday night that was a roaring success.  Programming was fun as usual and I had lots of positive feedback – people saying they loved my book and had voted for it.  Still, I tried to contain my optimism.  Then, Dan O’Driscoll won for Artistic Accomplishment for my novel’s cover!  Maybe, just maybe...

But no.  Robert J. Sawyer won for his excellent novel, Wake.  A deserving win (and besides Rob had already suffered a bigger disappointment – the cancellation of Flash Forward, the ABC TV series based on his novel).  I think I was gracious, smiled, hugged, said all the right things.  And I meant them too.

But I have to say, I shed a tear or two when I got back to my room.

And the next day, I had pretty much decided to give up writing.  I’d just see my third book launched and then take it easy for the summer – reading, gardening, travelling, drinking wine in my backyard.  The next day, I started planning a search for a new job – one that would pay a lot more and fill up those empty hours I normally spent writing.  That was the new me – a workaholic bureaucrat working 60 hours a week for the big bucks!

Then I thought about it.  I still had that anthology deadline.  So Saturday, having spent a couple of days working out the plot, I sat down to write.  God, it was painful.  The first hundred words took over an hour and by the end of the day, I only had a thousand words.

No, that was it.  No way.  I lost the drive, the zest, the skill.  I really was finished as a writer.

Sunday morning I avoided my office like the plague – quite literally since I’d come down with either the flu or a severe allergy attack.  There was no way... unless, maybe if I approached it this way.  By deadline day – Tuesday – despite frequent unpleasant interruptions, I had a five thousand short story.  Is it brilliant?  That’s not for me to judge – but it was certainly good enough to let the editors of the anthology make that decision for themselves.

So I guess I’m back in the saddle.  Oh, I still intend to enjoy my summer (we’re off to Europe in 18 days for a three week holiday) but I’m not looking for a new killer job.  And I’m not giving up writing.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll win an Aurora next year.
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    Hayden Trenholm is a playwright and novelist who lives in Ottawa, ON

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