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Getting Back on the Horse

6/1/2010

 
The hardest thing about writing, for me at least, is getting started.  I will spend hours, sometimes days, trying to get that first paragraph written.  The funny thing is – I almost always change it.  I guess it is pretty much true of any new thing in your life – whether it is as trivial as learning how to use a new phone or as important as beginning a new friendship – getting started is the hard part.  Mess up the beginning, you think, and you set the pattern for the whole future.

Not true really.  First impressions are seldom lasting ones and bad habits can always be amended.

But still, starting a new story is always tough.  A couple of weeks ago I finished my novel, Stealing Home.  It was not only the end of a novel; it was the final book in a trilogy.  I’ve got lots of ideas for more books and even had a deadline to finish a story for an anthology.  But it was a beautiful spring.  There were walks to be taken, gardens to plant, wine to drink. 

Plus, my last book was nominated for an Aurora Award.  Wait until that’s over, I thought, think how motivated you’ll be if you win.  Right.  And if you lose, no worries; all the other nominees are good friends.  And you’ve lost things before – more often than you’ve won.  Sure.

The weekend at KeyCon was great.  The nominees, calling themselves the Magnificent Basterds, held a joint party on Friday night that was a roaring success.  Programming was fun as usual and I had lots of positive feedback – people saying they loved my book and had voted for it.  Still, I tried to contain my optimism.  Then, Dan O’Driscoll won for Artistic Accomplishment for my novel’s cover!  Maybe, just maybe...

But no.  Robert J. Sawyer won for his excellent novel, Wake.  A deserving win (and besides Rob had already suffered a bigger disappointment – the cancellation of Flash Forward, the ABC TV series based on his novel).  I think I was gracious, smiled, hugged, said all the right things.  And I meant them too.

But I have to say, I shed a tear or two when I got back to my room.

And the next day, I had pretty much decided to give up writing.  I’d just see my third book launched and then take it easy for the summer – reading, gardening, travelling, drinking wine in my backyard.  The next day, I started planning a search for a new job – one that would pay a lot more and fill up those empty hours I normally spent writing.  That was the new me – a workaholic bureaucrat working 60 hours a week for the big bucks!

Then I thought about it.  I still had that anthology deadline.  So Saturday, having spent a couple of days working out the plot, I sat down to write.  God, it was painful.  The first hundred words took over an hour and by the end of the day, I only had a thousand words.

No, that was it.  No way.  I lost the drive, the zest, the skill.  I really was finished as a writer.

Sunday morning I avoided my office like the plague – quite literally since I’d come down with either the flu or a severe allergy attack.  There was no way... unless, maybe if I approached it this way.  By deadline day – Tuesday – despite frequent unpleasant interruptions, I had a five thousand short story.  Is it brilliant?  That’s not for me to judge – but it was certainly good enough to let the editors of the anthology make that decision for themselves.

So I guess I’m back in the saddle.  Oh, I still intend to enjoy my summer (we’re off to Europe in 18 days for a three week holiday) but I’m not looking for a new killer job.  And I’m not giving up writing.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll win an Aurora next year.
liz Westbrook-Trenholm
6/1/2010 08:20:50 am

And all this on top of your wife nearly electrocuting you. Hm. Flu followed near-death experience. Think there's a connection?
I'm glad you're back on the horse, darling. You're a writer, plain & simple. Well, about plain . . . I wanted more on the HOW of your recovery. We can talk offline. Dear.
Your ever-loving & helpful spouse. :)


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    Hayden Trenholm is a playwright and novelist who lives in Ottawa, ON

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